Relationship Series Part 2
Hey, y’all! Cassidy here. So, before you start reading I want to let you know that my beautiful fiance wrote this entire post! I was initially going to add to it, but I love it so much as it is that I don’t want to change a thing by adding to it! I hope you love it as much as I do!
One of the most important things in a relationship is understanding how to support your partner well. While it is crucial it is also extremely difficult because it relies on understanding your partner as well as having good communication.
1: Getting in the right space to support
Understanding your partner is the easier aspect as that comes with time and intentionally learning more about your partner. Communication is the difficult task as you have you learn something completely new. Communicating with your partner is completely different from communicating with anyone else. If you think you are good at communicating with your partner because you are good at communication with everyone else you are sorely mistaken. With your partner you are not expressing who you are but rather presenting your raw self to another person.
The phrase “you can’t love others unless you love yourself” never made any sense to me because I could love others just fine while despising myself. It wasn’t until I was with my partner that I realized what that truly meant. I am unable to show love, communicate, share myself, or even be true to my partner unless I love myself the same way I love my partner. Until you are able to love yourself in the same way you love your partner you will be unable to support them in a healthy and appropriate manner. There may be other things you need to do in order to support your partner in an effective and healthy manner, but this is the most important and many other things will get better once you are able to love yourself.
2: The best ways to encourage and support
Once you are in a healthy place with your own self-care then you can properly support your partner. The first step to supporting your partner is proper communication. You cannot support your partner without knowing the things in which you can support them. You will need to talk to them in an intentional manner in order to find these things out. I did not realize this at first and I thought I could merely find this out through normal conversation. I was sorely mistaken. In order to know and understand what your partner is going through and how they are handling everything on their mind. Just like I was not sharing everything on my mind my partner was not either. Also, do not think talking constantly is the same as discussing what you or your partner are going through.
When I first started learning what my partner needs from me to support them, I thought it was good enough to be constantly talking and that the things each of us need will just come out naturally. I wish it was that easy, but it just led to more frustration. We would talk constantly about random things, but no communication was actually happening between us. I had to take a step back and reevaluate what I could change in order to understand how I could better help and support my partner. I decided it would be best to ask my partner deliberate questions that they would not be able to avoid in order to learn how I can support them. If this does not work for you, there are countless other options to use. You just need to find a way for you to communicate what you are struggling with and either what someone else can do for you, what you need help with, or how you would like your partner to respond to the situation you are going through.
After you have set up a way to communicate you will need to find ways to support your partner through their requests. When I started finding ways to support my partner it was difficult to say the least. A lot of the time neither of us knew how we wanted each other’s help. This led to a lot of trial and error. Thankfully neither of us were going through major struggles and we were able to find ways to support each other in our everyday lives before big struggles arose. We went back and forth suggesting different ways we thought would be helpful to one another until we found several that worked for differing circumstances. Once I understood a few ways to help my partner it became much easier discovering new ways to support, and it helped my partner clearly identify how I could support them and express that to me.
3: The benefits of supporting each other
Supporting your partner is one of the most important things to do in a relationship. Without support you cannot have a healthy long-term relationship. In all healthy relationships there is a balance between giving and receiving. You need to be able to find where the balance is with you and your partner to keep your relationship strong. In my relationship with my partner we are always working together toward something. I remind myself every day that I need to actively choose to work with my partner on the struggles we’ll be facing that day. When I forget to remind myself of that I can become disgruntled and arduous with my partner. A relationship cannot grow or continue unless you nurture it carefully and intentionally. Without this consideration it will turn into something you hardly recognize. Sometimes it will be easy to fix the challenges that arise and other times it will be impossible. Actively finding ways to support your partner in all aspects of life is paramount to a healthy and happy relationship.
4: Now it’s your turn!
Let me know below in the comments how you support your partner. If you need any suggestions let me know. I’m looking forward to reading all that you have to say!
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Have a fantastic day, friend!